Mixed Reactions

Once I make the decision to go I am met with a bizarre mix of responses.
The most alarming is stunned silence. The temperature in the room drops to below zero when I explain to family friends that I’m going to the Arctic. People look at me as if I’m mad. I might just as well have said I’m going to Mars.
“Why are you going?” one asks.
“I’ll be on assignment,” I explain. One raises his eyebrow and laughs. I find this offensive and quickly change the subject. “So, where are you off to on your holiday this Easter?” I ask.
When I tell my girlfriend on the phone that I’ll be dragging a sledge for ten hours a day there is a long pause.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but are you sure you’re up to it?” she asks.
“I’ve started training.”
“What are you doing then?” she asks.
“Going for walks in Richmond Park.”
“Walks? Don’t you need to do a little more than that?”
“Not at the moment. I’ve been told to start off by walking in the park.”
“Don’t you need to go down the gym?”
I hate gyms. I am a member of a gym but haven’t entered the fitness section since, well, I can’t remember. I do go swimming, though.
My friend persists in her questioning about my polar challenge.
“How many days did you say you were walking across snow for?
“Eleven”
“Eleven?” she screams. “You’ll lose loads of weight, but you haven’t got much to lose.”
“Well, I have been told to ‘bulk up’.”
“Yes, you should tuck into some full English breakfasts. Eat lots of pasta. How’s your back?”
This is a sore point – one I wished to avoid. I was diagnosed with a tilted pelvis several months ago after intermittent pain in my left hip. However, a firm-handed German osteopath tilted it back and now it’s back to normal.
“It’s great, no problem.”
“Yeah, but didn’t you say something about dragging a sledge?”
“It won’t weigh more than the children and I’ve been carrying them around for ten years!” Joe weighs three and a half stone and he’s often jumping on me – hence the titled pelvis.
She sounds unconvinced and before I know it the subject turns to where I’d like my Ashes scattered.