Bridget Jones Knickers and Knockers

I worked hard all day and ate as much chocolate as I could manage in preparation for my trip to Baffin. Just over a week to go so thought I ought to up the calories. By several thousand! It got to that point in the afternoon when I could take no more and decided I had to confront the big knicker issue. I have most of the kit but when it comes to thermal underwear I am sorely lacking. I didn't want to ask the alpha males going on the trip. 'What knickers should I take?' From the sounds of it the men wear one pair of pants for ten days. They say this is something to do with 'saving weight'. Anyway, I had heard that such things as thermal knickers and bras exist. I head into town and found myself roaming around the lingerie section of John Lewis. Now, as we all know, John lewis is a reputable department store with a large lingerie department. But do they stock thermal underwear? No. "We have thermal vests," the sales lady said. "But have you any thermal knickers?" I asked. She looked at me as if I was mad. I couldn't face saying I was off to the Arctic so I lied and said I was going skiing. "I'm sure you'll be okay in these cotton ones," she pointed to a very large pair of cotton panties. It's all very well for a sales assistant to say they think you'll be okay, but it's another matter if you freeze your butt. They were large, very large. I thought of Bridget Jones and that maybe it would be better to take one pair, like the men, than nothing at all. I put them in my basket. "Do you stock thermal bras?" I asked. "No, I'm sorry, we've got thermal vests and long johns but that's it. How about a Shock Absorber?" She held up a very large sports bra. "They are very supportive and as they are cotton they are good in the cold."
Hmm. I need a thermal bra, not just because it's cold, but because it's freezing. Minus 30. However, this Shock Absorber looled like it would cover all my chest - and more - so maybe this was better than nothing. The sales assistant came into the cubicle with me and played around with the straps. " It's a perfect fit, madam." I looked at myself in the mirror and nearly cried. It was so ... big ... and ugly. "It will give great support," she said with a smile on her face. Well, there's one thing I need in the Arctic and that's SUPPORT. I popped two Shock Absorbers into the basket and made my way to the checkout, passing all the pretty lingerie on the way. Now I know just how Bridget Jones must have felt.